The theme this week is reconciliation. Thursday, I talked about how art can do that by bringing people together in a scene that never was, but has powerful healing.

Today it is about reconciliation with ourselves. What do I mean by that? There was a time that I felt not close to myself, not close to anyone, for that matter. I was in a place where I sensed it as worthless to even come out of my bed. Strolling through the streets and the park was often horrific. I was always convinced that the lives of all the people I noticed laughing together were way better than mine. They had more fun, or just quietly but happily walking through the park with their dogs. 

Why were they happy and I not?

Why were they happy and wasn’t I feeling the same? It took me quite some time to figure out that what I went through, and had gone through for a long time, was called depression. It’s not the same as having a dip, not al all, we all have that. This was a continuing story, no end in sight. 

Whilst going through these periods that went from feeling less horrible to severe horrible, I reached a point that I decided that it needed to end. I had two choices. One to quit and the other to find a way to go through it, whatever it was.

My Journey Started

I chose the latter, and from that point, my journey started. Within that journey, I began to reconnect with myself again. It was the reconciliation with a long lost friend, that’s how it felt anyway. Slowly but surely I took matters into my own hands, realising that I was the only one who was responsible. I went from therapists and counseling into a journey that went beyond them. I found that going through with me was far more powerful than talking with others. It was a metamorphosis.

Reconciliation with myself has let me become my own best friend. It was quite a journey, but one I gladly share, including how, so you can register for a masterclass here:

Self-Portrait Karin Merx, Reconciliation
Karin Merx, 2019/20, self-portrait, oil on canvas, reconciliation